"SCIENTIST UNEXPECTEDLY DISCOVERS SHARK EATING ANOTHER SHARK"
As most zoology textbooks point out, there's nothing more vulnerable than a lone shark.
“AIR MARSHALS, REASSIGNED FROM COMMERCIAL FLIGHTS, SERVE SANDWICHES AND CHECK LICE ON ICE DEPORTATION FLIGHTS”
Ten thousand sandwiches and 1.5 million lice now incarcerated in El Salvador.
"GHISLAINE MAXWELL NOT 'MAKING ANY FRIENDS' AT NEW PRISON DIGS"
“These gals," she says, "have a weird notion of friendship.”
"ELON MUSK AWARDED $29 BILLION PAY PACKAGE FROM TESLA"
Board deadlocked on benefits.
“THE DELICIOUS TUNA SALAD UPGRADE YOU'VE NEVER THOUGHT OF TRYING”
Replace tuna with chocolate donut; add drizzled Pepsi.
“TRUMP SAYS HE'S ORDERED NUCLEAR SUBMARINES REPOSITIONED AFTER RUSSIAN OFFICIAL'S 'HIGHLY PROVOCATIVE' REMARKS”
“Guys, you know I'm unbelievably smart. I've been thinking . . . couldn't we hide these beauties underwater?”
"CRUISE PASSENGER TRAPPED IN SEE-THROUGH SLIDE OVER OCEAN"
"Murk-It": the encryption software that makes headlines secure!