"2,700 MILES FROM DC, A RURAL SCHOOL FEELS THE IMPACT OF TRUMP'S FIRST 100 DAYS"
Colors banned from art class. Kids introduced to white-on-white landscapes.
"SCIENTISTS DISCOVER MASSIVE MOLECULAR CLOUD CLOSE TO EARTH"
They say molecules have never come this close.
"PREGNANCY CRAVING TURNED THIS CHOCOLATE BAR INTO A GLOBAL SENSATION. NOW IT'S CAUSING INFLATION"
Inflation! Her dream come true!
"LETTER WRITTEN ON BOARD THE TITANIC BEFORE IT SANK SELLS FOR ALMOST $400,000"
Half the price of one written a week later.
"TRUMP SAYS HE'LL ELIMINATE INCOME TAXES. THERE’S A PROBLEM WITH THAT"
H&R Block has nukes.
"WHY MEN ARE SHAVING OFF THEIR EYELASHES"
Miscellaneous hairs are out of fashion. More and more guys are looking down on them.